Mourning in the Nineteenth Century: An Overview

MOURNING IN THE NINETEENTH CENTURY: AN OVERVIEW

By Virginia Mescher

[Reproduced from The Campbell Crier, the newsletter of the 42nd Virginia Infantry Regiment ~ March 1998 issue]

Some type of mourning or expression of grief has been a part of humanity since the beginning of time, but customs differed according to time and location. Death was a major part of Victorian life and through mourning customs, it was made a part of daily life. People did not fear death, in fact it was welcomed and heaven and home were considered as one. Death was a release from the cares of life, and salvation was the reward. Children incorporated death and funerals in their play, and in a number instances, these games and role plays were described in diaries and in memoirs. The fear of death was that the death would not be mourned.

In the mid-Victorian era, mourning traditions were very elaborate. According to circumstances, mourning could last for two and a half years, and sometimes was practiced for the life of the mourner. Queen Victoria's husband, Prince Albert, died in 1861 and she remained in deep mourning until she died in 1902. Most etiquette books contained the rules of mourning, but it is important to know that the English customs were more elaborate and rigid that American customs. Both Godey's and Peterson's had many stories, poems, fashions and advice on mourning. In fact, some of the best jokes in both publications dealt with death.

There are several good secondary sources on mourning which give more details of mourning customs, but it is impossible to record, in the space allowed, all the various customs of mourning in every area of the United States. They differed according to religion, ethnic background, location, economic circumstances, and practicality. There were many variables and, of course, everyone in a perfect world would follow all the rules, but no one lived in a perfect world.

AVAILABILITY OF MOURNING CLOTHING

Mourning clothing for women were some of the first ready-made women's clothing sold in stores, and they could also be purchased in pawn shops. According to one source, some upper and middle-class women kept a mourning wardrobe on hand, in case it was needed (it always pays to be prepared). Another source stated that the suppliers of mourning clothing spread the word that it was bad luck to keep mourning clothing, thus encouraging the purchasing of new garments each time they were needed. A great many women of the middle-class and of poorer circumstances made their own mourning clothing or dyed what clothing they had. Wealthier women had dressmakers come to the house and have their mourning wardrobe quickly made.

LENGTH AND STAGES OF MOURNING

The length of time that someone mourned depended on the individual and the person being mourned. A woman mourning her husband's death could be in deep or full mourning for six months to two years, with the traditional time being one year plus one day. She was expected to wear all black with no trim or jewelry unless the jewelry was jet. After the first year, she would gradually lessen the mourning attire for an additional eighteen months, which was divided into three additional stages. Second mourning lasted for about nine months in which the widow was permitted to wear less crape, it being used as trim rather than the "weeping veil," and to wear white collars and cuffs. Her bonnet could be lined with white and the shortened veil was made of black net. The next stage, or ordinary mourning, lasted three months in which shiny silks and velvets were allowed. Trims of lace, ribbon, embroidery, and beading were used, jewelry of gold, silver and precious stones could now be worn. The final stage of mourning, called half-mourning, lasted six months and colors were permitted. A woman may only mourn her parents for a year in three stages. A cousin or distant relative may have been only mourned for a short period of time. A man was only required to mourn his wife for three months. A child may have been mourned in three stages for a total of one year.

COLORS OF MOURNING

Black was the traditional color of mourning because it symbolized night and an absence of light and joy (Widows, Weepers & Wakes). Women in deep mourning wore black from head to foot, with the exception of her undergarments (black dyes were fugitive and dyes would have worn off on the woman's skin). The underpinnings may have been trimmed with black. Her "weeping veil" could have reached to mid-calf and was made of sheer crape or silk. The black fabric worn must be dull and could be found in fabrics such as bombazine, crape, and Parramatta. Since black fabric did not wear well and turned "rusty," there were many receipts in period books and magazines to restore or renew the black garments. White was allowed in second and ordinary mourning. In the last stage or half mourning the colors permitted were gray, mauve, purple, lavender, lilac and white. The fabric could either be a solid in the above colors or a print. Children usually wore white trimmed with black in summer and gray with black in winter.

BEHAVIOR OF WIDOWS

A widow was not expected to leave the house for the first month, except to attend church. In fact, some widows did not attend the funeral or burial. After the first month, she could have callers and could go out, but not on frivolous trips. After three months, the widow could attend limited social events, but she was still expected to appear in full mourning. After deep mourning, the widow could begin to re-enter society by attending church gatherings and visiting, and after completing her mourning she could return to normal activities and could receive gentleman callers.

Widows were permitted more freedom that unmarried women. Because of this freedom, some women preferred to remain unmarried after their mourning period was over. Widows did not have to answer to a man and were allowed to manage their own affairs. According so one source, it was not expected that widows remarry, because this indicated that they had slept with more than one man. On the other hand, it was not always practical for a woman to remain unmarried, especially if she had children and no way to provide for her family.

EXCEPTIONS

As in everything, there are always exceptions to the rules. There is one incident of a widow who remarried before her year and one day of deep mourning was over. For her wedding day, she was permitted to lessen her mourning, but on the second day of her marriage, she reverted to deep mourning for her first husband, as was expected. In the March, 1857 issue of Godey's, the fashion editor stated that fashion no longer demanded the wearing of black, and as for custom, it should be considered optional. During the War, mourning customs sometimes had to be limited due to circumstances, but other women went into even deeper mourning. In the book, My Heart is So Rebellious, Mr. Caldwell requests that his wife not wear mourning for his mother, because they could not afford the mourning clothes. In another source, the diarist proclaimed that she would not wear mourning for her father. The governor of Mississippi delivered a proclamation that mourning should be dispensed with due to the lowered morale of the citizens. Think how, in some areas when most women would have been in mourning, depressing that would have been. Also, during the War many women, wore full mourning while working for the war effort, even though custom dictated that they should remain secluded. Since they were performing acts of Christian charity, it was deemed acceptable and the activities were not considered social events.

CUSTOMS

Entire families mourned the deceased, even the servants, and most funerals were held at home as opposed to a church. After a death the house was darkened, crape was draped on the front door. The public floor of the house was draped with crape, mirrors and windows were covered, and clocks were stopped at the hour of the death. The crape was tied with ribbons, black for adults and white for children. The corpse was laid out in the parlor or a downstairs bedroom, and vigil was kept twenty four hours a day until the burial which was held one to four days later. The vigil, held out of respect of the dead, was also had practical implications; a great fear existed of being buried alive and the vigil helped to alleviate this possible problem. Candles were lit around the room and flowers were brought in. The flowers were not only for remembrance, but they served to of mask the odor of the decaying body. Funeral biscuits, wrapped in white paper and sealed with black wax, were served as favors for the guests. Burial was done either in a public or private cemetery.

Death photographs or portraits could made of the deceased. A great many pictures of dead children were made and cherished because sometimes that was the only likeness that parents had of their child. Some parents, after the death of a child or children, had portraits painted of the child or children playing with favorite playthings.

Stationary and calling cards were also adapted for mourning. The cards and paper were plain white paper printed with black borders. The wider the black border, the deeper the mourning. Calling cards were also in pale gray or lavender for women in light mourning.

SYMBOLS OF MOURNING

Mourning symbols abounded in art, music and literature. Various flowers and plants were associated with death and mourning, and were included in sculpture, illustrations of poems and music. The following were some popular symbols of death and mourning: angels - heaven; lamb - innocence; thistle - mortality; oak - strength; butterfly - freedom and lion - bravery.

Unfortunately, space prohibits a more comprehensive study of mourning, but there are several publications available on mourning. Holly Majka has a catalogue of reproduction mourning items.